


Hitchhiker

by omnisan



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Prompt Fic, if you squint hard it could be lolix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 12:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15170453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omnisan/pseuds/omnisan
Summary: "We're not supposed to pick up hitch-hikers because they may be serial killers. However, serial killers often pick up and kill hitch-hikers. Therefore, has a serial killer ever picked up another serial killer and did they become best friends?"





	Hitchhiker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xfayfay72x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xfayfay72x/gifts).



Don't pick up hitchhikers, they may be serial killers.

Such a common phrase parents used to scare their children or warn them about the danger of strangers. Sam didn't have to worry about that, though. In this situation, he was the serial killer picking up the hitchhikers. It was like driving for Über, but instead of money, he got the satisfaction of murdering someone. It was a strange hobby, he couldn't deny that, but he liked to look at it as weeding out the wastes of lives. 

“You hunt too?” The man in his passenger seat was trying to make small talk, but Sam had ignored his yammering until this point.

Sam eyed his shotgun resting on the top of the dashboard, “It's mostly for protection.”

He was a good liar. 

“For in your truck? Seems odd.” 

“Well when people like you need help, I can't be too sure you wouldn't hurt me.” Sam said, not far from a truth. “And there's wild animals that tend to come out at night.” 

“I guess you got a point. Oh, I think you missed the turn.” 

“No, this way is faster.” 

The unknowing passenger had no choice but to accept the path Sam took, not at all realizing what was actually happening. Once Sam had pulled off onto a two track dirt road, the passenger had no time to utter a word of panic before a secretly hidden pistol was expertly aimed at the man's head, blood and brains splattered against the passenger window. At least it wasn't too much to clean.

Sam immediately cleaned the mess and disposed of the body, ready for his next victim. Driving around for them, though, was the boring part. He could never eat after the smell of blood plagued his nostrils and the sight of chunks of skin and other miscellaneous body parts painted the walls of his vehicle, even now that it was clean and smelled like pine with a hint of cinnamon. 

Travelling the roads less travelled but others, it didn’t take him long to find his next victim: a skinny, male backpacker in the middle of nowhere. Perfect.

Sam rolled his window down as he slowly approached, “Hey, need a ride?”

“Yes I need a ride. I’ve been walking for hours and I have no clue where I am.”

The guy seemed mad, and Sam hoped it would be enough to distract him so he wouldn’t have to put as much effort into the kill. 

“God, today is just awful. Worst day ever. I just can't believe this.” 

The guy grumbled non-stop, and Sam was stuck in a peculiar situation. One that made him rather agitated and itching to kill sooner rather than later.

“Name’s Felix, by the way. If you didn't come by I'd probably be dead.” 

Sam chuckled silently to himself at this guy's choice of words. “You can call me Locus.” 

“Weird name. That a nickname?” 

“Yeah.” 

The man kept droning on about something Sam could care less about, only giving him a headache. It didn't take long before he couldn't take it anymore, his hand instinctively reaching for the shotgun on the dash. What surprised him was the hand that rested on top of his.

“I don't think so buddy.” 

Sam was quick enough to grab his hidden pistol and jam it underneath Felix’s chin, aiming right toward his brain. The second surprise was when Felix also pointed a gun to Sam's temple. 

“Were you hired to take me out?” Sam asked calmly. 

“Me? What about you!?” 

Sam could read him like a book. He wasn't set up, this was just a strange sequence of events of two people enjoying killing strangers. This hitchhiker was a serial killer, oddly enough. It almost made Sam laugh. 

“Lower the gun, buddy, or I swear I'll shoot you.” 

“Would you like to take that chance?” 

Felix seemed nervous, especially with how calm Sam was. This wasn't the first time he had a gun against you head and he would not falter. 

“Okay, wait. So you go around picking people up just to kill them? And I go around getting in people's cars to kill them. Do you know what this means?” 

“We're serial killers.” 

“How would you like to be my partner?” Felix offered, guns still at each others heads.

“Let me guess, if I were to say no, you'd kill me.” 

“You're already talking my language. All the more reason to partner up. We can both get what we want.” 

Felix talked too much. Sam hated it. But as much as he hated it, Felix had a point. A devious smile crossed his face when he knew the wheels in Sam's head we're turning, considering the pact offer. 

“How do I know I can trust you?” Same asked calmly.

“You don't.” Felix smirked. “Partner?”

“Partner.”

Both of the guns we're lowered from each other's heads. Felix slumped into the passenger seat as if the two of them were old time friends, hardly showing any signs of wanting to murder Sam in cold blood anymore. But the usual silence in Sam's truck now became filled with unnecessary talk and commentary from Felix.

“Oh look there's someone!” Felix pointed out. “Pull over, I got this.”

Sam pulled up next to a hitchhiker as Felix hung himself out the window to talk to the woman. Somehow he got her to accept the offer of a “ride into town,” which really meant a ride into the woods. But before Sam could get very far from where they picked the woman up, Felix had already pulled a gun on her, swiftly putting a bullet through her brain.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Sam growled. 

“Doing the job, man.” 

“If anyone heard—”

“It's got a silencer on it, chill. Now, this mess needs to get cleaned up.” 

“So clean it Mr. Killer.” 

Felix rolled his eyes, but followed Sam's instructions on cleaning his vehicle. Sam took the moment to ask himself why he accepted working with a partner. Only more trouble was going to follow. 

“You ever think about wanting to be like a secret agent, you know, like killing people for money?”

Felix seemed like he was onto something here. Perhaps it was wrong to judge his character so soon, Sam thought. Maybe Felix was smarter than he appeared. Maybe he had a bigger goal in mind.

From feet away, Felix began to make gunshot sound effects and made voices for screaming people as he continued to clean. 

Then again, maybe Sam was right all along. Felix was dumb but now they were partners.


End file.
